No Parent Left Behind

Parenting Is Hard

A couple of years ago, my youngest found herself in a bit of a scary situation. She and a friend were trick-or-treating with older siblings when a quick teenage lapse in judgment took the night in the wrong direction.

The girls followed a friend across a forbidden street, ended up with a group that was menacing and weapon wielding. They suddenly realized they were in over their heads, scared and simultaneously afraid of being hurt and in trouble.  Thankfully, they got themselves out of the situation and went right back to being kids—laughing, candy-grabbing, and moving on. But as kids do when things get uncomfortable, they made a pact not to tell.  No one wanted to get the older siblings in trouble for crossing a forbidden street. 

When I picked my kid up, she divulged it all (part of our unwritten rules that she still followed). She wasn’t scared, just sorting it out loud and blatantly naive. After some deliberation, I decided that I needed to call my friend.  The girls were trying to honor a pact, but since it was a dangerous and scary situation, calling the was the only choice.  We both sat with that heavy, familiar feeling: how did this happen? Why didn’t they call us right away?  What if they had been hurt? How did our kids make such bad choices? Didn’t we teach them better?

But once the dust settled, we realized the important part. They made a mistake, they learned from it, and they came home safe. That’s the only thing that really matters.

When Parenting Feels Lonely

My friend was torn up. She felt like she’d failed—sorting candy in one hand and heartache in the other. And I felt it too, because this stage of parenting? It’s lonely.

When they were little, we shared everything. Potty-training disasters, sleep regressions, tantrums in the Target aisle—you name it, we had a group chat for it. But now? We go quiet.

We don’t talk about the teenager who rolls their eyes every time we open our mouths.  We don’t talk about the grunts or the mood swings. We don’t talk about the late assignments, the bad attitudes, the missed curfews, the worrying posts we see online.
We just stop sharing.

It’s like once they hit middle school, the parent island forms—and suddenly we’re all sitting in our own lonely corners, wondering if everyone else is doing it better and worrying about being judge.

We’re Not Meant to Do This Alone

Later that night, my friend texted me. She said that she felt awful—worried I’d lost trust in her, disappointed in her daughter, and actually said that because I’m the mom that “has it all together”, she was embarrassed that this reflected on her parenting skills. 

Lord, if only she knew. Most days I’m just doing my best not to trip over the laundry pile while wondering if I’m completely messing this whole thing up.  And ironically I had imagined her to be the perfect parent – 3 beautifully behaved children, a full-time job, a house that resembled a magazine cover.   Here’s the reality - no one has it all together (especially me!)

But here’s the truth: none of us are meant to do this alone.  And it’s really easy to think that everyone else’s house is like a fairy tale, especially in the days of social media idealization. And it’s easy to fall victim to some warped universe that everyone else’s children are near perfect.

There’s no manual for raising teens—no one-size-fits-all guide that tells us how to handle the heartbreak, hormones, and hard lessons. It is hard!  But maybe if we pretend for a hot minute that we are parenting toddlers and doing it all for the first time, we might feel like we can open up. Maybe if we start talking again—sharing our stories, our worries, our not-so-pretty moments—we can help each other find the way.

Maybe we can remind each other that this season, just like every one before it, is survivable. Each stage is new! Each comes with huge joys, huge heartbreaks and problems that you just have no idea how to solve alone!
And maybe, just maybe, we’ll remember what’s been true all along—
we were never meant to parent alone.